Your Family Constitution

Title: Your Family Constitution
Author: Scott Gale
Published: 2009

Last night on AMC’s show Mad Men, Roger Sterling toasted his ex-wife at their daughter’s wedding reception with these words, “You are a lioness. And, I congratulate you for not devouring your young.”

Which of us, in the role of parenting, have not wanted to devour our young at least once? There was not a happier day in my life than the day my son graduated High School; I knew that I would never get a call from the Dean’s office again. However, he still lived at home. I still had to cope with some unsettling behaviors which were causing a lot of tension in our home.

It’s important to arm ourselves with the necessary artillery to create a smoothly running home for ourselves, our marriage, and our children’s sake. This is precisely what Scott Gale gives us in his easy, and interesting to read, new book: Your Family Constitution…A Modern Approach to Family Values and Household Structure.

One of the things I so appreciated while reading his book is his honesty. Rather than a formal, condescending, know-it-all voice, Scott speaks to us as if we were gathered in his home. He speaks with vulnerability and candor which is so refreshing in such a volatile topic as the way we run our family life.

Rock Bottom was a state of mind for me. I struggled to find satisfaction during my day-t0-day interactions with my kids. My pessimism overshadowed my family’s many blessings. My negative emotional responses aggravated existing tensions. I dragged the people I loved most down with me. Fear, frustration and anxiety became the staples of family life.”

Scott identified a few core issues, “ingrained problems that were both hard to identify and painful to accept.” Understanding these would help in addressing the troubles in his family: 

• Core Issue #1: Lack of Time
• Core Issue #2: Lack of Clarity
• Core Issue #3: Lack of Consistency
• Core Issue #4: Lack of Commitment to Improvement

His “Family Constitution” became the 3C’s (clarity, consistency and commitment) that would help his family have the critical structure that all families need to be the most effective.  The Family Constitution relies on rewards and consequences, understanding and empowerment, and simplicity. Throughout his book, Scott Gale shows us how to implement these principles through comparison to our country’s Founding Fathers, anecdotes (Tales from the Gales), and step by step guidelines toward establishing parental objectives. Here is a brief list of the steps Scott carefully explains in his book: 

• Step 1: Introspection. Identify your own personal values, family principles and parenting goals.
• Step 2: Vision. Establish clear and mutual parenting objectives.
• Step 3: Observation. Identify potential issues and behaviors to address in your Family Constitution.
• Step 4: Organization and Prioritization. Finalize a list of primary issues you intend to address in your Family Constitution.
• Step 5: Creating Structure. Produce a detailed framework for manageable family structure.

Following these, is a chapter called “The Household Bill of Rights”; every one needs to find the privileges that they can rely on to find success.

I think this is a book that would benefit any family, even the ones that seem to be running smoothly now. There is no guarantee that personal needs or misunderstandings won’t interfere with our best intentions. Afterall, as Scott says, “I wasn’t a bad parent. I was just a parent.”

If you’re a parent, you need to have a home which meets your needs and your child’s.  This book can show you the way.

Two copies are available as give-aways. Simply leave a comment should you wish to be entered to win one of them.

The winners of their own copy are JoAnn and Susan. Please email me so I can forward your addresses to Scott.

~ by Bellezza on November 3, 2009.